At times life can be hard and hard to understand. For too many years I failed to see how little I knew. I went through life thinking I knew everything. Now I realize I know nothing at all. I’ve come to realize how much more I need God. I can’t tell you in enough words how much God has opened my eyes to something other than myself. I listened to too many wrong things. I don’t want to go back to the old me because I couldn’t look in the mirror at that person. I can now look in the mirror to this person.
It took me a long time to truly look up and really want a relationship with Jesus. Just looking back I realize how much God saved me from. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Him. To be honest, I didn’t even know what I was doing half the time. Then, I thought I did but looking back I had no clue how deceived and blinded I was. Now I am more open to Jesus then what I was familiar with. I realize that what I learned wasn’t my fault and there is nothing I can do about what I learned then. I’ve come to realize that I can break that curse that has been going through my family for generations and with God’s help I am overcoming this and other areas.
The last few weeks has really opened my eyes. I will say it was like my wires were finally being untwisted and reconnected. I am finally starting to get it. A situation has a rose that I have been ignoring for the past four years and even though God tried to warn me I stubbornly didn’t want to see it. Then I would have to deal with the situation. But let’s back up, Wednesday before Ron had preached and he talked about losing our first love. This scared me to the core. I didn’t want to lose my first love. I realized I was comfortable with people stepping over me and I was done being afraid. “Perfect love cast out fear.” I was and am done with doing things my way. I had been praying that God show me His will and help me to do His will. He answered my prayer and now the situation is out in the open. It isn’t as hard because almost five years ago I went through a similar situation. It is not as hard and that is because I learned and God taught me how to get through these type of circumstances. I will tell you God has been with me every step of the way. He never left and when I thought He left, it was because I was the one that left.
I started to pray more. I started to praise and worship more. I started really truly getting more in His Word. I started to really get to know God and His heart. That night I went up to prayer because I finally did something that God needed me to do and I needed prayer because I knew the enemy was going to come after me and try to do the opposite. What I didn’t know was that this prayer that Ron prayed over me was for the coming situation to and the devil was/is going to try and sift me like wheat.
Back to Sunday. I had to decide to stay away and give space so I stayed in the sanctuary while the worship team was practicing. I decided to worship and praise God. As I was doing this God told me to go to the altar and kneel down before Him. The first thing I thought was, I can’t go up there while they are practicing it would bug them. God replied, “It doesn’t matter they don’t care, they are busy worshipping me.” So I went. If I hadn’t been obedient to God I wouldn’t have blessed the keyboardist. He wasn’t feeling well and that he saw God blessing and anointing me. He said it blessed him and made him forget about his allergies. This made me realize that God knows what He is doing and has everything under control. When I went to service I went and sat at the very back and my friend told me to sit by her, so I did. This burst of joy broke through and I couldn’t help but get excited. It made my friend happy. Now, as I was worshipping, my Pastor came behind me and put his arm around me and told me that he wanted me to go to the front row so that others could see that excitement. I didn’t really want to. But I did because I felt the Lord lead me. My friend even got out of her comfort zone and came up with me. God is so amazing. My friend has really changed and continues to change. The chains that were binding me have fallen off. I felt them as I was in service. God is so good.
Even though this situation that I am going through is still going on I know that God will work through and do it His way. I am allowing Him to do it His way because I know it works. Even when I don’t see what He is doing. I am really starting to and I know that what He has already shown me will make all parties grow in love and faith. I say to you, look up! Don’t focus on the problem, you will just make it worse. I realize now when I focused on what I thought I judged people the wrong way. Now that I am even deeper in my relationship with the Lord my eyes are more open and willing toward Him. I have realized when the Lord tells you something, it’s the truth even if someone denies it. I have a habit of overlooking others faults and that is good, though when it starts to interfere with your relationship with the Lord you must fight to keep it. I don’t mean physically or emotionally but alert the person. Most of the time people don’t know what they don’t know. I didn’t for a long time. I still am learning. I am now constantly praying and will continue to seek the Lord and be obedient to what He wants me to do. With HIs help of course. So look up to Jesus. Focus on Him. Get to know Him as your personal savior. Don’t allow your situations or the world blind you to what is truly real.
I am on the potter’s wheel and I will not get off. No matter how hard it gets. I know that God will go before me. I have come to trust Him even more. I haven’t come this far to give up just because it gets hard. Yes, there are times I want to give up but through life’s situations that I have gone through I am pushing on and I don’t want to give up as quickly. Through this, I have seen the Lord work on my husband and he is a better husband to me. I have this peace that goes beyond my understanding. I am fighting to keep pushing through. So please keep me and my family in your prayers. God bless.