Look Up!

 Look-Up-and-LiveAt times life can be hard and hard to understand. For too many years I failed to see how little I knew. I went through life thinking I knew everything. Now I realize I know nothing at all. I’ve come to realize how much more I need God. I can’t tell you in enough words how much God has opened my eyes to something other than myself. I listened to too many wrong things. I don’t want to go back to the old me because I couldn’t look in the mirror at that person. I can now look in the mirror to this person. 

It took me a long time to truly look up and really want a relationship with Jesus. Just looking back I realize how much God saved me from. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Him. To be honest, I didn’t even know what I was doing half the time. Then, I thought I did but looking back I had no clue how deceived and blinded I was. Now I am more open to Jesus then what I was familiar with. I realize that what I learned wasn’t my fault and there is nothing I can do about what I learned then. I’ve come to realize that I can break that curse that has been going through my family for generations and with God’s help I am overcoming this and other areas. 

The last few weeks has really opened my eyes. I will say it was like my wires were finally being untwisted and reconnected. I am finally starting to get it. A situation has a rose that I have been ignoring for the past four years and even though God tried to warn me I stubbornly didn’t want to see it. Then I would have to deal with the situation. But let’s back up, Wednesday before Ron had preached and he talked about losing our first love. This scared me to the core. I didn’t want to lose my first love. I realized I was comfortable with people stepping over me and I was done being afraid.   “Perfect love cast out fear.” I was and am done with doing things my way. I had been praying that God show me His will and help me to do His will. He answered my prayer and now the situation is out in the open. It isn’t as hard because almost five years ago I went through a similar situation.  It is not as hard and that is because I learned and God taught me how to get through these type of circumstances. I will tell you God has been with me every step of the way. He never left and when I thought He left, it was because I was the one that left. 

I started to pray more. I started to praise and worship more. I started really truly getting more in His Word. I started to really get to know God and His heart. That night I went up to prayer because I finally did something that God needed me to do and I needed prayer because I knew the enemy was going to come after me and try to do the opposite. What I didn’t know was that this prayer that Ron prayed over me was for the coming situation to and the devil was/is going to try and sift me like wheat. 

Back to Sunday. I had to decide to stay away and give space so I stayed in the sanctuary while the worship team was practicing. I decided to worship and praise God. As I was doing this God told me to go to the altar and kneel down before Him. The first thing I thought was, I can’t go up there while they are practicing it would bug them. God replied, “It doesn’t matter they don’t care, they are busy worshipping me.” So I went. If I hadn’t been obedient to God I wouldn’t have blessed the keyboardist. He wasn’t feeling well and that he saw God blessing and anointing me. He said it blessed him and made him forget about his allergies. This made me realize that God knows what He is doing and has everything under control. When I went to service I went and sat at the very back and my friend told me to sit by her, so I did. This burst of joy broke through and I couldn’t help but get excited. It made my friend happy. Now, as I was worshipping, my Pastor came behind me and put his arm around me and told me that he wanted me to go to the front row so that others could see that excitement. I didn’t really want to. But I did because I felt the Lord lead me. My friend even got out of her comfort zone and came up with me. God is so amazing. My friend has really changed and continues to change.  The chains that were binding me have fallen off. I felt them as I was in service. God is so good.

Even though this situation that I am going through is still going on I know that God will work through and do it His way. I am allowing Him to do it His way because I know it works. Even when I don’t see what He is doing. I am really starting to and I know that what He has already shown me will make all parties grow in love and faith. I say to you, look up! Don’t focus on the problem, you will just make it worse. I realize now when I focused on what I thought I judged people the wrong way. Now that I am even deeper in my relationship with the Lord my eyes are more open and willing toward Him. I have realized when the Lord tells you something, it’s the truth even if someone denies it. I have a habit of overlooking others faults and that is good, though when it starts to interfere with your relationship with the Lord you must fight to keep it. I don’t mean physically or emotionally but alert the person. Most of the time people don’t know what they don’t know. I didn’t for a long time. I still am learning. I am now constantly praying and will continue to seek the Lord and be obedient to what He wants me to do. With HIs help of course. So look up to Jesus. Focus on Him. Get to know Him as your personal savior. Don’t allow your situations or the world blind you to what is truly real. 

I am on the potter’s wheel and I will not get off. No matter how hard it gets. I know that God will go before me. I have come to trust Him even more. I haven’t come this far to give up just because it gets hard. Yes, there are times I want to give up but through life’s situations that I have gone through I am pushing on and I don’t want to give up as quickly. Through this, I have seen the Lord work on my husband and he is a better husband to me.  I have this peace that goes beyond my understanding. I am fighting to keep pushing through. So please keep me and my family in your prayers. God bless.

 

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Choices!!!

Each day we make a choice. As a believer, we make a choice each day to either follow the Lord or follow Satan. Matthew 16:24 24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. See ESV. As a believer, this can still be hard. I will say this isn’t as hard when I first started out in my walk with Jesus. I sometimes struggle with this in my marriage and outside of my marriage. I will say that since I have been working at this and making a habit of this I do a lot of things automatically. Sometimes there are hard choices and I forget to lean on the Lord.

 

For example, Wednesday night before church my husband and I went out to dinner and we saw someone who hasn’t been to church for a while and am not sure if they are still attending church. When I saw them they were upset and I don’t know if it was about the service behind the counter or just something in their life. It could be anything and I will say that I got a little uncomfortable and I stayed silent. This is the second time I got uncomfortable with them. I am so much more comfortable with people so this was unusual for me, but God warns us and we need to heed His warning. I realize now after talking to a friend that this person was miserable and that misery loves company. The sad part is whatever is going on they are allowing it to steal their joy. It’s states in the Word that “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” Psalm 28:7. This is a choice each of us has to make each day. A lot of people don’t know or understand they have a choice to be happy and if they are allowing everything to steal their joy, they will never be happy until they take up their cross and follow Jesus. People also expect other people/things to make them happy when only Jesus can do this. This is why there are a lot of divorces and relationships fail.

 

I used to believe that my husband was responsible for my happiness and others, but someone told me that I am responsible for my happiness and not others. I know now that I was looking to be truly loved and until I sought Jesus more I didn’t have it. I am finally allowing my husband to love me. Even if it isn’t what I expect it to be. I am a lot freer because I choose to be happy and follow the Lord. My husband has been the same way due to past hurts etc. We are growing and learning more together than four years ago. I give glory to God. There were so many times that I wanted to quit, due to good reasons, but God wasn’t done with my husband or me and God showed me this was the man I would marry and that this relationship would prosper even more.

 

When I make the choice and effort to follow Jesus my life is so much better with HIm at the wheel of my life. Everything starts to make sense and what doesn’t make sense I leave to God because I know that if He wants me to understand what is going on He will give me the understanding. I know a lot of times my flesh like to show up and cause a mess and Satan knows what bugs us and will tempt us and sometimes we fail but thank God that He has mercy and grace on us when we do. I see this all the time with the older and younger generations and sometimes I feel helpless. I know something but sometimes you can see where someone is by their actions and how willing they are to learn. They choose to be where they are with the Lord. Sadly, when we are saved, we choose to continue with sin, but Jesus doesn’t want us to stay in sin, He came so we could be set free from sin, not to continue in it. We all need to read the Word and ask God to reveal to us the truth. We need to go based on what the Holy Spirit is saying to us, not how we feel or our opinion about it. I’ve really started to grasp that sometimes we have an opinion and that is all that it is at the time. It’s our opinion. It isn’t always based upon truth. This is why the Bible also states not to go on our own understanding. See Proverbs 3:5-6. We make a choice to think what we do and we need to start believing more of what the Word says instead of what we or others think.

 

With the Lord’s help, I make a choice each day to die of myself and this isn’t always easy but as I/we do it will show in our life. We must continually be reminded each day. I used to get so upset when someone would remind me, but now I rejoice because I realize how human I am and how the Word of God must sink in. I realize that I knew what the Bible said, but I still didn’t get it.  I strive each day to love more and more. I sometimes hear, “I did my good deed for the day.” To me, that states that I don’t have to do any more good deeds. I used to say that until I realize why I was saying and what I was saying. “Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.” –Veggie Tales. We must continue to do good and I realize that when I said that I was focused on me. Jesus never stopped doing good deeds because He got tired. When the disciples woke Him up He didn’t get angry He stopped the storm. He didn’t just do one deed He did many. I wonder if He got annoyed because they weren’t choosing to have faith. The point is the disciples chose to be fearful. They had their eyes off of Jesus. They didn’t mean to and this is a lesson for us. Keep our eyes on Jesus.

 

When I get fearful I now cast it out because God doesn’t want me to be fearful. He wants us to be fearless. Choose to trust God because even though it should come naturally, it doesn’t. Each day we must choose to trust God and know that if we ask He will help us. Remind you, it isn’t always the help we want but we need to choose to be open and start believing what the word says. Choose life. You won’t regret it. Be blessed. 

On Fire For Jesus!!!!!

I didn’t think I would be able to sleep. My whole being was on fire. The fresh anointing that my friend prophesied over me is coming to pass over me. I know it isn’t all of it but it started and will continue to flow through me.  The over flow that was gushing out of me was and is amazing!!! I still have that over flow and I just want to pour it out on others. I want them to feel that sense of peace that Jesus talks about in the Bible. The peace that goes above our own understanding.

Life keeps changing for me and this is a great change. I don’t want to stay the same. I want to keep growing and glorifying God. It seems more and more each day that  I feel the fire get hotter and hotter within me. Where I just want to be in the presence of God all the time. I am starting to live and breath like it’s my last day and I want to make the most of it. I can’t get enough of Jesus. The more I am in his presence the more I feel and see Him. Right now as I am typing this I feel His presence. I don’t want it to stop. It’s so awesome to be able to be lead by the Holy Spirit; to have the peace and the discernment of what is going on around me. I am more aware than I have ever been. This isn’t me. God took the blinders off my eyes so that I could see. I can really start to hear Him and believe that it is Him. I am learning the difference between good and evil. I realize I want even more of God, not just what He can give me, but Him personally. I want to go so deep with Him that barely anything bugs me. Hardly anything bugs me now, but I am still striving to be even more balanced and I feel that as each day goes by I will become even more stronger in the Lord. 

The Joy of the Lord is my strength. God is giving me even more boldness to step out in faith. It is by His strength that I can do what He has called me do. He has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. I want others to experience the Love of God and not just what they need. I want others to experience a deeper relationship with Jesus and not be worried about what they need. Jesus will provide our needs but He wants communion with us and I think this is such an important message because we get so focused on what we need that we don’t focus more on Jesus and what He has for us. He wants us to have life and life abundantly. I realize that as I go deeper in His Word I am not just getting my needs met I’m getting more to know my Lord and Savior. I love the song called More than anything by Natalie Grant where it states: “Help me want the giver more than the giving. Help me want the healer more than the healing. Help me want the savior more than the saving. Help me want you more than anything.” I didn’t used to feel this way. It never even crossed my mind. I just had wanted to do my own thing and believe that I could handle anything. I found out that I couldn’t do this life by myself and I needed help and guidance from a higher source. Jesus. My life changed when I wanted to go deeper with Jesus. I now know who God is, not enough, and continue to learn more about a God I serve.

As I worship, praise and pray I see a huge difference in my life. I have a lot of good fruit. I don’t do what my old self did and this is because of Jesus. He saved me from myself. He has brought me this far and He will continue to bring me closer to Him and Father. Like I heard today, to know Jesus is to know God.

Mind you I make a choice each day to follow Jesus and strive to serve Him. I have to keep working to keep what I have. When it gets hard I have to fight to keep what I have. As I go deeper it doesn’t seem as hard as it did when I first started out. I also have to forgive myself when I fall short knowing that God has mercy and grace on me. I can’t do this on my own and it is way harder to live life doing it by myself. I went through many years doing life my way. I didn’t realize my perception was off. I couldn’t see what was right in front of my face and a lot of people live like this way. This is why we get frustrated. When we are outside God’s will it gets frustrating or it isn’t the right timing it ends up being us.

So seek the kingdom of God and you will go far. We need a savior even if we don’t understand or see. We get blinded when we are of the world. Like I once heard you can’t hold the devil’s hand and walk with God. We must chose one or the other and I hope that you choose life. Be blessed.

 

A God Moment!

At this very moment I am sitting up in bed because I just can’t get my mind to shut off. God did something amazing for me tonight. It’s burning within. I never thought in a million years I would stand up in front of a crowd and sing.  That is a God moment right there. I remember God showing me this two years ago. At the time I just rolled my eyes and went on with my life. He set up for me this moment all my life. He put that passion for singing in me and I had put it aside because I was told and made fun of that I couldn’t sing. I always thought it was me and my desire but in the end it’s part of what God wants for me. Anyway more about that later.

Six months… Even years ago I was terrified of being in front of people and I would start to cry at the mention of doing something by myself. Of course then I didn’t realize that I didn’t have to do it by myself.  I could have help. I just had to ask for it. God has brought me a long ways from where I was at. I didn’t believe I could do anything and that was because of fear and the way I was raised. I didn’t realize that I could be an over comer. Just seeing at what God did tonight (I will get to that part, I promise) I am just amazed at what He is doing in my life. I can’t tell  you how great Our God is. He is just an amazing God. Here is what He did for me tonight.

Today is the day I sit and volunteer at church and today was just like every other day.  I love Wednesday, because I get to be more with the Lord.  And I will tell you it was a God moment because my phone has been acting up so I don’t always hear when someone texts me and I happened to look at it for the time.  My friend who I didn’t know was going to preach tonight gave me the verses and as I skimmed the long text I had to go over it to see if I read that right. I said I would have to think about it. I almost started to get fearful because I don’t like standing in front of people, especially singing. I’ve really been hearing God’s voice lately and He said that it would be fine and once you get up there you will be great. I don’t know if that was supposed to be a yes, but I figured it was. So my friend said to do something that I was comfortable with and I will tell you this was a song I just learned this past week. It really touched me. So I told her this song and I started to practice.  “Build my Life” Sung by Christy Knockels.  It is a beautiful song.  I will say I was nervous and was hoping my Pastor would say no, but he didn’t.  I knew I was supposed to do this. God has been preparing me for years. When I had to speak during the Christmas play that broke something and now I am getting even more bolder. The right boldness that is. I realize that I have to do things even if it’s being afraid. There was also another person doing a special and I started to talk down to myself  because this person has an amazing voice and I love hearing them. I had to remind myself that this was also their gift and that it adds to the kingdom and so does mine.  In the end, I started out nervous but I pushed my way through the song. I am actually proud of myself.  I couldn’t have done that without Jesus. He is my rock and my fortress. I just can’t stop talking about how great He is. Just knowing that I can rely on Him for everything just amazes me.

I realize even more that I need to stop worrying about what people say and just do it, even if they don’t agree. In the end, I did it for the Lord.  As I was up on stage I felt the presence of God just surround me and just hearing that I blessed someone just blesses my socks off.  God showed me this night and reminded me of it and I can’t thank God enough for just showing up. I know that once I keep doing it over and over I will get more comfortable.

When you have a gift from God whether it be singing, writing, etc. don’t be afraid to step out. God will help you and guide you to do it. This is what I have been experiencing and still experiencing. You don’t have to do this alone. Seek His face and He will help you to go far. Do it for His glory and to further God’s kingdom. Also, the enemy will try to keep you from your gift, so ask for discernment and resist the devil and He will flee. Be blessed.

When We Seek Him, We Will Find Him

Reading Romans 3:15-16 made me realize how much we live in a world that doesn’t understand. There is so much I still don’t understand and I know that God will continue to give me revelation as I continue to seek Him. 

It’s been a year since I actually  started to study and meditate on the Word of God. I used to just read it front to back hoping I would just grow, but I didn’t realize that I needed a relationship with Him and I needed to do my part. I never understood this and others didn’t go too much into detail. Maybe it was just because, just like me, they have a journey and hadn’t gotten that revelation yet and couldn’t really explain it to me. But for whatever reason I know God had everything under control and He knew I would get it. I realize after finally truly committing myself to Christ that my life has changed for the better. I’ve learned that when I did things my way it never truly worked. Yes at times it seemed like a good idea, but it’s the end results that is important. I was out of God’s will.  I ended up with rotten fruit and took me forever to realize that I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing in order to get good fruit. I had to seek God for wisdom, knowledge, truth and a relationship. I had to realize that God wasn’t a genie and here to grant my every want or wish. 

The thing I also realized is that I was out for number one. Myself. I had no compassion for others, unless of course they agreed with me and my lifestyle choice. In Romans chapter 3 explains this and I realized I was all of that. I can honestly say how disgusted I was at the person I became. That wasn’t me and God didn’t create me to be selfish and live life a lone hurting myself to get what I wanted.  Even though I was saved at the age of four I didn’t become perfect and I didn’t stop sinning. I didn’t seek God or see God as I could have. I had no understanding of God or the life that I was in.  I didn’t even know what I was doing to myself. I couldn’t see past myself or anyone else for that matter. It took God years to get me back on the narrow path. It was easier on the wide path because a lot of people today are on that path. I still get on that path here and there but this time I seek God to get my back on the narrow path and He helps me through it. 

The whole book of Romans is great. This is now one of my favorites. I realized how a lot of people love the dark because they believe it’s easier; but in the end, it leads to our destruction. This is why God sent Jesus down to save us and show us a different way to live. A better life. I realize now that Jesus is the truth, the way and the life. He has shown me that I can’t trust myself but I can trust in Him. I have finally come to grips with reality and knowing that not everyone will believe and I know that Jesus wants them especially. 

The people who knew me wouldn’t know me if they saw me again. I am not that shy, insecure person that I was. I am a child of God and now knows what it feels like to be free from the bondage. I still have a ways to go but I know that I am free of sin and death. I don’t have to continue to live the way I used to. I don’t have to do everything other people are doing. I can be me and I’ve learned who my true friends and family are. I am grateful to everything I have learned and gone through because I know God made good out of evil. I am stronger from it and know how to handle life better and that’s because God is in it and I have a relationship. I had to sacrifice a lot, but I would do it again. To have found this true love, joy, peace that Jesus talked about is just so outstanding. 

Aren’t you glad that God didn’t give up on you! I sure am. I realize this more everyday. His love is poured out to all who will receive it. It took me a long time to see how much God loved me and wanted me. I wasn’t a mistake. I was hand chosen for this life and I am going to continue to strive for a better life. When I fall, I will get back up, because I know that is what God wants. He wants us to get back up and do it again until we get it right. We need to seek God like it’s the last day of our life. I realize it isn’t about me but Jesus and I’ve found so much love in my brother, my savior and my friend.  He saved me from my life and from harm I didn’t even know I was putting myself in. I am also so thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I realized how much I need them. I love you, who ever might be reading this regardless. 

What a Difference!

A lot has changed for me in the past year. Even more than I have ever expected. I will say that as I have been meditating on life and how God has changed my life and the way I live my life, through His son Jesus, I’m noticing a huge change and am so grateful that I finally chose to fully surrender to His will. I can’t stop thinking about how Jesus impacted my life and others around me.  It’s incredible. What a huge difference from where I used to be.

I will tell you that this change was hard and sometimes I just wanted to give up and allow the enemy to do what he wanted. It’s easier to just submit then having to stand up for what you believe. I will tell you I got a lot of defiance because some just don’t want to believe the unbelievable. I would give up because others told me there wasn’t a God or He doesn’t love you etc. The other great one that I got was, why not try another god, when I know that there is only one God. I’ve learned a lot though through the comments. I’ve  learned to forgive the people in my life that hurt me. I didn’t realize that it was more for me than them. Yes, I needed to forgive them, but it was freeing me from the bondage  that hurt and pain caused me. It wasn’t okay what they did to me but I needed to see what was driving them to do these things. I still love them but sometimes you need to stay away from what hinders you. You have to love a far. I also had to forgive myself. I did hurtful things and as I learned, one lesson stood out for me. “Hurting people hurt people.” I hurt a lot of people and had to face this in order to be healed. I had to realize that it wasn’t my fault for the abuse that was caused me. I did nothing to deserve this. God has taught me a lot through this. God didn’t cause the bad things that happened to me. I thought He did, so it was very hard to submit to someone who caused pain.  He helped me to get through the hurt and pain so I could be free from that bondage. I’ve realized that I have a testimony out of this which will help others in the same situation and now I am ready to do so. I just didn’t know how.

I had to get over how I did things and start doing things differently. How I talked to people, what I believed, getting the information myself, I made mistakes, I was wrong, deceived, selfish, and I could go on. I realize as I fast forward this, that just by being more in the Word of God, with fellow believers, and most importantly with Jesus, I’ve finally notice a huge change. My eyes aren’t as dirty as they once were. I see what is really there not something that I think is there and start to believe. I know other people who have changed their lifestyles know what I’m talking about or getting there. I am more a people person and love to be around people. No matter what their faults are. I’ve come to realize that by giving Jesus a chance it’s the best feeling in the world. Though it’s not a feeling because I can’t go by my feelings but we have them for a reason. Looking back I never had this true peace, everything bugged me, I believed everything people said and didn’t realize that I had a voice of my own. I realize I was nothing without Jesus and when someone told me that I was so angry at them; but now, I am so grateful to that person. It isn’t all about me. It’s about Jesus and how we all need Him. A lot don’t realize this or even care. This is sad but we must live in God’s reality and not our own. This is hard because we like to do things ourselves. We just need to keep striving and keep getting up when we fall. I fell so much but it doesn’t bug me like it used to. So keep going. God sees your heart and motives behind your actions.

I was at church and I was telling a friend about a situation I was dealing with at work and I can’t remember quite what they said but I believe that it was how exciting it is to have Jesus in our life. How true that is. I couldn’t stop thinking about this; that I missed a lot of the sermon. I ended up having to replay that sermon, thanks to our church recording the service, and get caught up. This is what I have been meditating on but when this person said this, it was like a door flew open and a light flew out of it.

When I go to work and have to deal with certain situations I realize how differently I act toward people. I have more compassion and realize that this makes me realize that when I have Jesus in your life, my life changes for the better. When you have this relationship with Him the more you start to understand and the more your eyes open to the truth. I realize that I lived a lie and was deceived for most of my early life. I realized I didn’t have to act like everybody else. I could act like me and I would find out who would love me for me and not what they wanted me to be. I learned that not everybody will love me and will try to change me into something they see fit, but I don’t have to do that either. I can follow Jesus because He is the truth the way and the life. In Him I have life.  Without Him, I don’t.  I don’t get frustrated as much and I don’t get as bugged when I make a mistake. I realize that I can keep going and correct the mistake. 

I can see a huge difference in how I act because a lot of times I see how I used to act with those who haven’t realized they need Jesus. It weird to be on this side because you can now see the solution but sometimes all the other person sees is the problem and they don’t want a solution.  For example: I was at work and I was trying to put frozen away and as I was wheeling a cart with four boxes a family was in the way and we were a little busy, plus I was working six days shifts and I was sore and trying to make it a little easier for myself. I had asked if I could get through and I didn’t realize that the person got all upset and I usually just going around. They let me through and they mumbled that I could of gone around and that was true but she had a poor attitude about it and I let that get me a little and whispered that they needed to check their attitude. I realize that I got upset because they had an attitude and they could have said no to me and I would have waited. This also taught me that sometimes people just assume too much. It’s easier to assume than to get all the facts. I realize that they could have had a bad day, so I forgave them and asked God to help me let it go. It took me a while because I like to figure out why they are acting that way. I finally let it go. I also learned that just because someone is upset with me, doesn’t mean I have to get upset. I didn’t do anything wrong. To them I did. People will give you bad looks but we don’t have to fall for this trap. The more you get to know Jesus, the more you will be able to have victory in your life. Without Jesus, you can’t have victory in your life. Just like so many other testimonies we are proof that Jesus’ way does work. Be blessed.